FLIP MONSON, FETCH THE TWELVE

That was written on a sign I saw at a rally in Salt Lake City on Friday, November 7, protesting the Mormon church's huge financial efforts to pass Prop 8 in California, amending the CA constitution to ban gay marriage.

If you're Mormon, you'll know what it means. In case you're not, I'll explain it.

"Flip" and "fetch" are both euphemisms for THE f-word as expletive, but not the f-word as verb. If you're Mormon and you want to talk about sex, you wouldn't say, for instance, "I saw two dogs flipping." Or, "Mormon newlyweds are often so sexually ignorant that they can't figure out how to fetch." It just sounds silly.

But you would say, in order to remain unsullied by profanity but still convey a certain intensity, "I am so flippin' angry," or "That idea is really fetchin' stupid," or even, "What a firetruckin' mess."

The current president of the Mormon church is a pompous blowhard named Thomas Monson. He's ridiculously vain about his looks (seriously, the guy is UGLY) and not nearly as smart as he thinks he is. He became prophet by achieving seniority in "the quorum of the twelve apostles," the dozen old men who, along with the president, govern the Mormon church.

So the statement "FLIP MONSON, FETCH THE TWELVE" is a clever way of saying what I want to say now:

FUCK THE HIERARCHY OF THE MORMON CHURCH.